Teens shitting

Teens Shitting See a Problem?

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Teens shitting

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There is no change without teens. There is no evolution. Without teens we are stagnant. Without teens we are death. What are teens doing? What are those pesky teens up to?

Teens are shitting in swimming pools for sport. Now, I am not a judgmental man. We've all secretly thought about shitting in the sea, haven't we?

It's rare we get to shit in new and exciting ways, as a species. Shitting, on the whole, is a necessary daily chore, the tired dumping of waste from the receptacle of your butt into the waste-disposal unit of a toilet.

But surrounded by warm, soft, salty water? The giddy, thrilling privacy of the waves crashing against your body? If we are ever going to level up the way we shit, this is how we are going to do it.

That said, teens are dropping brown bombs in swimming pools, which is a whole different conceptual kettle of shitting fish. Here's the Mirror 's report on it, because I guess they did a hard-hitting investigation into how and why teens are shitting for fun?

Tourists have been confined to their rooms and put on drips after becoming seriously unwell at a holiday village in Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt.

They are doing this, the shitting teens, because of a sequence in popular teenager film The Inbetweeners Movie 2 , where Inbetweener Neil—the sweet, simple Inbetweener—drops a turd down a log flume and it hits Inbetweener Will—the nerd Inbetweener—directly in the face.

Years and years of evolution. Thousands of hours of schooling. Our teens are shitting in swimming pools because the monkey idiot shat in the face of the geek.

Travel expert Nick Harris, of lawyers Simpson Millar, said the number of affected holidaymakers in Egypt over the last few weeks ran into double figures.

Essentially, what I am getting from this is: 19 people had diarrhea in Egypt, and it's a trend now. Like, someone took a shit in a pool in Spain, and one in the Dominican Republic, and that's a trend now.

That's all it takes for a trend to happen. Extrapolate the data. It's possible that only three turds happened, three shits in three separate pools across three continents.

But that's a trend, for teens to enjoy. That's a trend piece. An IRL meme, if you will. Will it be in this week's New Yorker? It will not. But it's something to talk about, isn't it?

Something for us to pearl-clasp over the inexorable spiraling-downward trajectory of the world's teens. Teens don't know what they are doing, and we don't know what teens are doing.

If you were really so desperate you had to squat in the vegetable aisle, you definitely would not show your mate afterwards. Personal revenge The turd is a strong symbol of revenge.

It's an institutionalised symbol of hatred — like when the band The Levellers send an actual dog turd to a journalist at the NME.

So perhaps these women were just really fucking angry about something. Maybe their Dr. Oetker pizza didn't have enough cheese on it. Or they'd paid two quid for some out of date sausage rolls, or their chicken salad had a hair in it?

But it does beg the question — why this particular form of revenge. A complaint on Dr. Oetker's Facebook page would probably get you some free pizza.

But maybe nothing is sweeter than Montezuma's Revenge. Hurken naast de kratjes Jupiler een soort viezere variant op 'Knielen naast een bed violen'.

A political statement In our capitalist society, supermarket chains have replaced the milkman and the grocer. The CEO of Ahold makes almost four million euros a year, while a nineteen year old shelf-stacker makes 5,96 an hour.

Karl Marx predicted that the proletariat will revolt if there is enough class-consciousness. The brilliance of this theory is that it cannot be falsified: that the revolution hasn't occurred yet doesn't mean it will never happen, it only means that here is not enough class-consciousness yet.

So this could well be the start of the revolution. A practical joke Maybe we're overthinking things here, trying to make it fraught with symbolic or political value.

What if it's just an old fashioned joke, an innocent prankster trying to freak out local shelf-stackers. If they're lucky, a customer might tread in it on their way to the milk aisle — imagine the chaos!

But if you'd gone to such efforts to be an idiot, wouldn't you stick around to watch it unfurl? All the women do a runner afterwards. A feminist deed Since most of the culprits are female, feminism cannot be excluded as a motive.

But how is leaving an unexploded package in the dairy aisle really a statement about gender inequality? Is the supermarket truly a symbol of poisonous patriarchy?

Is it the place where gender roles are cast in iron by brochures and television adverts aimed at women? Did Simone de Beauvoir mean: "One is not born a woman, but rather becomes one in a supermarket?

A lack of discipline You can imagine the reasoning like this: I need to go, I can't be bothered to find a toilet, nobody is watching, I could just do it here.

But this implies not only a total lack of empathy for the employees who have to sweep the place clean, but a complete denunciation of societal norms.

Human beings do not turn to beasts the moment they're alone. Because of constant surveillance, or rather the idea of the possibility of constant surveillance — like the Panopticon, people are disciplined.

No, if Foucault was right, this cannot be the cause. A rational choice If you could stretch pragmatism ad infinitu , you could argue that a pile of poo on the floor of the shop isn't that different from a can of spilled beans.

Both look messy and need to be cleaned up by someone.

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